I recently had a discussion with a group of friends on an age-old question. While the majority of us agreed that a virgin (male or female) could appreciate a hot love scene, we differed on the question, if could they write one …
What’s your take?
I consider myself a sexually liberated woman. I love Erotica and write erotic romance. Blindfolds, handcuffs, honey and feathers sound wonderful. But I’m chicken shit when it comes to pain. I don’t like pain. (Giving birth was about all I could take.)
That’s why I guess it hard for me to put my brain around erotic asphyxiation. For many, it’s a rush.
Asphyxiation is a way to get off, or experience a more fulfilling orgasm. Having someone choke me, or trying to cut off my oxygen supply doesn’t turn me on.
What people do is their business, of course. However, when it becomes public speculation (i.e. David Carradine and Michael Hutchence from INXS, who reportedly died during autoerotic asphyxiation) people will start to wonder.
I had a talk with a group of friends. For the most part, they’re open minded individuals, and they all agreed. Asphyxiation is a scary way to get off.
I know I couldn’t do it. Please. Someone would find my crazy behind after the fact, and have plenty to talk about when I’m gone. “Girl, she had the cord wrapped around the computer …”
Oh, and you won’t see any of my heroes or heroines indulge in erotic asphyxiation. I’ve already had that talk with them. (But a few of them have informed me that they will strangle someone if a loved one’s’ life is threatened.)
IMHO, I think the best orgasm comes when you’re with someone (s) and you’re completely in sync. Sex is heightened when you can test the waters without fear of making a mistake, or doing it in such a way that can be life endangering.
Whether it’s spanking, a threesome or swinging from a chandelier—whatever you do, be safe about it. Kinky is fine, as long as you know what you’re doing. That’s why in BDSM, there’s a safe word. I don’t recall hearing about a safe word with self-asphyxiation.
We all have our likes and dislikes. Whatever you do, be careful and enjoy.
I’ve never been a big proponent of Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve received my share of hearts, chocolates and flowers and I was always appreciative. However, I’m greedy. I don’t want my lover to tell me one day out of 365, to be his love or his heart. I want to know that I’m cared about EVERY day and I enjoy ALL tokens of affection—not just flowers and candy. This is probably one of the reasons why I write and read romance novels. I want what they have!
In romance novels, the couple behaves as if they’re in love everyday—not only when it’s commercially cool to buy flowers and candy. Couples in romance novels exchange glances, touches, inside jokes, and body fluids often—not just on Valentine’s Day. They argue, cry, throw things and then make up– not just on Valentines’ Day. And I love it! They may have conflict and issues to resolve, but ultimately, they find their way back to love.
Naysayers may think that I’m living in a fantasy world or that I’m wishful thinking — love and affection every day only happen in the movies and romance novels. But that’s okay. According to Romance Writers of America, in 2007 romance fiction became the largest share of the consumer book market with $1.375 billion in estimated revenue. So hello …I’m not the only one who wants their love everyday!
I have another thought. (Go ahead say it: oh joy)
Romance and love are what we make it. In our busy lives, it’s hard to be romantic every day, but it CAN happen. You invested a hell of a lot of time pursuing your love interest, now perhaps it’s time to work just as hard to keep them. More important, we don’t have to wait until Valentine’s Day to express affection or undying love and devotion.
If you’re single, give yourself flowers, a hug and a sizzling, romantic novel and then call up a friend. (wink) If you’re married or have a significant other, go ahead and buy the flowers on Valentine’s Day. (You may not be able to get in the house if you don’t.) I have a girlfriend who insists that her husband buy her flowers and send them to the job. (That’s a whole other blog.)
But, also buy (or expect) the flowers, candy, jewelry, theatre tickets, a new car (hey, thought I throw that in there) because your significant other made you smile on a bad day. Buy them because your partner suggested hiring an accountant to do your taxes this year, instead of trying to do them yourself, and saved your family hundreds of dollars. Buy them candy because you want to stuff your face together while watching an old movie or playing cards. 🙂 Moreover, don’t forget to give a touch, hold hands or steal a kiss often.
Whatever you do, don’t wait for ONE day to show the person you’ve spent so much of your life with–or maybe a little time with–that they mean something more to you than the average person. In the words of Otis Redding, “Try a Little Tenderness.” You may be surprised by the reaction and who knows, you may create enough sizzle to write your own romance novel. 😉
One day I had to do a quick run through the supermarket for Laffy Taffy and stockings. (It’s amazing how things that happened years ago come back to me with such clarity, when most of the time I can’t remember what I did yesterday.) Halfway down the aisle, I noticed a middle-aged couple politely cursing and fussing at each other. Evidently they were in the middle of an argument, but were polite enough not to yell. Their backs were to me, so they didn’t see me creep closer to the butterscotch and peppermint candies.
All I could make out was the woman saying, “That’s not good for you.” The husband, frustrated because he knew he was on the verge of loosing that battle, squeezed his wife’s butt, and whispered, “But you are.”
At that moment, I grabbed my Laffy Taffy and hauled ass down the aisle. Listening is one thing; getting caught listening is a whole other ballgame.
But as I paid for my candy, I couldn’t help but remember the love and affection that husband showed his wife, even during their disagreement. At that moment–although I thought it was cute and touching–I envied them. They were truly in love and I was going home with two bags of candy. ::::sigh::::
Many years ago I watched a movie, where the entire town was prohibited from dancing. Sound familiar to anyone? Anyway, I thought about the reasoning behind the edict: Dancing leads to sex. You know, maybe that’s not far from the truth–at least from a romantic, fictional perspective.
In my book “Falling Again” the two main characters shared a passionate dance–the salsa. The hero held the heroine possessively as they danced across the ballroom. Her gown moved fluidly with every step, every pulse and all eyes were on them. Having danced together for so many years, their moves were instinctive and sensual, and there was no need for second guessing.
Afterwards, they found that all the things they argued about in the past weren’t very important. The only thing that mattered was the space they occupied as they caught their breaths amidst the applause and the feel of their bodies beneath aroused fingers.
There’s nothing like a good dance to bring lovers together. And if they’re lucky, it will lead to other non-fictional things. 🙂
Oh, and eventually my hero and heroine made love (lying down).
More times than not, there comes a time in relationships when you hit a lull. I’m not saying you don’t love your partner, but there are times when your passion needs a little pick me up, a kick in the butt or a reminder of just how wonderful the person you’re with really is.
It’s nice to surprise your lover with a pair of edible undies or strawberry flavored body powder–anything that may add fuel to passion’s fire. For those who can keep the passion going 24/7, you’re my idol!
So, let me hear you. Don’t be shy. What do you do keep the fire burning?
I believe there’s a few things that make it sizzle …a look, a smile, a provocative whisper, or great set of biceps or legs wrapped tightly around a body. Any of these things can be the beginning of a wonderful interlude.
How about you? What makes it sizzle for you?
One Introvert's Adulting Quest
Historical Romance Writer: LUSH SENSUAL READS
Humor and Motivation for Writers and Other Dreamers
Fun and Sassy Contemporary Romance
Come fall in love
Soulful love ...extraordinary passion ...Get some.
Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.
healing with nature
Freelance journalist and blogger
Stories and Mischief
Rest in the Heart
Exploring the wisdom of the masters
Photographs from my world.
Movies and Celebrities
Writings, life in poetry & Art